How to Build Resilience and Decrease Anxiety

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Resilience is a real buzz word right now…building resilience is said to be key for:

  • Working in high-stress environments

  • Reducing the occurrence of illness

  • Improving recovery

  • Improving markers of learning and performance

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But what is resilience? and how do you achieve it?

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The basic definition of resilience is the power or ability to recover readily from adversity or illness. The classical definition of the word resilience is the power to return to an original form after being bent or stretched.

Now in this post-COVID climate, how much have we been bent and stretched on an emotional and psychological level??

So are you resilient?

According to some of those in the positive psychology playground, like Martin Seligman, a leading authority in positive psychology, there seems to be a general theory that the population can be divided into three groups.

30 % of people are born very resilient

30% are born feeling helpless, and that life isn’t manageable

30% learn helplessness— Something isn’t manageable

We can spend a lot of time delving into theories, however remembering that as humans we’re flexible and capable of constant change and learning. Let’s choose to focus on what we can do to build more of the qualities we want.

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What you need to know about resilience?

Over time if you experience stress that you don’t ‘believe’ is manageable, you will shift your level of resilience and become less resilient.

Stress comes in different forms, and without managing any of these, it can build up and become overwhelming.

Much of resilience is about how you perceive any given stressor

Manageable vs. unmanageable stress

The body is a constantly moving breathing system. Stress, by definition, is when the body is in a steady-state, and that constant state is challenged. The body then tries to recover equilibrium and stability through change.

Stress is considered unmanageable when your perception is that your response is inadequate to cope with the threat. You cannot make the necessary change to maintain a desirable outcome.

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Say you have two people:

One who’s grown up in a stable house with plenty of access to food and all basic needs met.

One who grew up during the depression and didn’t have enough food, Those of you who have lived with anyone who lived through the depression will get this. What happens is this person; hoards foods, their fridge is always full, and it’s a constant possibility in their mind that there won’t be enough food.

Please note this is a fairly extreme example; however, this happens subtly, with many other scenarios.

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How you see any given situation matters!

How the brain perceives any given situation is extremely important. It will dictate how your body will respond and how much stress you will experience.

This is how physical stress becomes exponential. You have a pain in your back, and then you take that pain and start thinking, how am I going to be able to do x y and z, and what does that mean for my job, future, family, health (insert primary responsibilities).

Then we compound more and more stress.

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So how does your brain respond to any one given stress?

Fight or flight response happens… 

Adaptive coping

A stressor happens, then you get a response from your nervous system, then the stress is taken care of stressor removed, and then your system returns to normal, and you recover.

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Shifting Focus


In a previous post on stress, I briefly discussed the different types of stress. As humans, we are particularly good at anticipatory stress, and animals don’t do this. They also don’t get attached to the past. (this is a very simplistic view on stress as I’m making a primary point and want to keep this short, there are other factors).

Humans can anticipate and worry as well as hold onto the past. So even though we have everyday stress, we don’t start the day in the state of non-worry as say fluffy the cat might.

With chronic stress, you are more likely to move into helplessness and believe that things will never go well. You start to develop habits to try and feel better. We generally refer to these as addictions. Think beyond drugs. The most significant right now is social media.

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Hyper reactive stress response

This is the main issue I’m seeing in the natural health clinic right now!

When the stress response is in a state of overstimulation, you are more likely to struggle with multiply physical health conditions like fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome.

When you’re stressed, you don’t return to the baseline. You stay wired, and the health implications are extensive.

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If the stress response is being triggered constantly, you will potentially end up sleep-deprived, and we know because the research shows when you’re sleep-deprived, you will view situations through a different lens. This then further increases your stress load. We start seeing a vicious cycle unfold.

Further to this you become habituated to this experience of low grade chronic stress that you don’t even realise it’s existence. A new norm is born.

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How to build more resilience?

If you're struggling with a chronic illness, stop and ask yourself:

“How am I viewing my health/disease?”

I often ask clients this question:

“What do you think started all of this for you?”

More often than not, there is some form of trauma or chronic stress (a high pressure job), a Parkinson's patient with the sudden death of her life partner and being faced with raising two small children on her own. (This is just one example, there are hundreds more)

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To address the physical health situation, you need to address what's happening in life and the internal dimension of experience.

Understand that whatever your emotional state now will determine your perception.

How are you feeling? How is your body reacting?

I’d strong suggest you try these simple 8 steps:

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#1 Pause — take a time out
We're so busy doing that we miss the basics. Take time to reset.

#2 Awareness and knowledge
Learn more about yourself and go inward, self-reflection, journal writing, understanding patterns.

#3 What's happening in the body?
Listen, connect to your body and intuition.
Think about a stressful situation. Notice what happens to your breath and jaw, chest, abdomen.

Then think about a
situation of awe, nature, someone you adore, sunset, etc.

When you think about the situation of awe, what happens in your body?
If you do these back to back, it's incredible to note the difference in the body and breath—This is an excellent illustration of the mind-body connection, and the importance of working with your state of mind.

#4 Examine
Where is this coming from? Where am I not being honest with myself? My needs and how can
I move closer to living in a way that brings me more joy? There is often a lot of doing out of obligation;
too much can become wearing.

Uncover your underlying beliefs and perceptions. This is important because you need to ask yourself
where would you like to be and where are you right now?

#5 Build up a solid team
Work with good health care practitioners capable of supporting you in learning the tools and techniques to
create new healthier habits.

If you're physically not well, then no matter how healthy your brain and mind, you will not believe you
can handle anything. Avoid running avoidant patterns and putting off your health, there’s a real risk that a small issue can grow and compound into bigger health conditions. Gain the support from practitioners you
connect with and know can support you on this journey.

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#6 Nutrition
You've heard me harp on about this one time and time again. Your cells are made up of what you eat,
and if you eat poorly, you will be poorly made. It's just that simple. Consider seeing a nutritionist who can guide you through this.

#7 Social support
Multiple research studies have found that this is a key element in health and longevity. Resilience and social connection prolong life, improve health outcomes, and improve sleep.

To be completely honest, this is one I've had to work on and have improved significantly over the years. Personally, I've always been surrounded by people. However, asking for help 😬 now that’s a different story. Look out for unhealthy habits that set in here.

So what's your support system? Are you good at giving support? Are you good at asking for support?

Have you done any workaround trust if you have a history of trauma? Do you believe that you have the resources to handle whatever comes, including the community support?

#8 Sleep
Ah yes sleep… Even with moderate sleep loss, you'll have an increased appetite; you'll have more cytokines and inflammation in your body. This will significantly reduce your level of resilience. I also often refer clients for sleep tests to gain more insights here. I’ve written an entire article on sleep hygiene here.

More tips for building resilience

Meditation or triggering a deep state of rest, check out the online yoga studio to practice in the comfort of your own home.

You'll see heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate all decrease, and metabolic rate improve.

This allows you to return to normal with the stress response.

You can bring about the relaxation response in many different ways.

Nature helps a lot— as it increases alpha wave activity. Increases Natural killer cell activity, improves cognition, decreases muscular tension. So it's thought that not being around a green space is an issue contributing to many chronic illnesses so get out there.

With nature, you have dopaminergic responses in the brain when you're in a state of awe. It's similar to being in love. You believe that everything is going to be ok. Love triggers dopaminergic responses. It might be a little more challenging to find but think about time with pets, children and cherished family members.

Oxytocin is a hormone that improves reproduction, relaxation, sensory processing, memory, sociability. We release this hormone when we're in love, so love is a tool. Not just intimate love either, spirituality and nature, friendships, self-love.

Simple things…

The things in life that don’t cost anything!

What is it that fuels you?

Access to people, nutrition, move, sleep, laugh, nature?

Everything is the fuel you fuel yourself with —thoughts, actions, beliefs, and mindset. Is what you're fueling yourself with nourishing you?

Fuel allows you to access the parts of your brain that will enable you to feel that you can manage anything. It's the fuel that helps to build resilience. Without the power, your resilience will decrease.

If you need any help or support with building more resilience and reducing anxiety please reach out by filling out the form below.

Move Well - Eat Well - Think Well

K🧘🏼‍♀️💕