Yoga For Depression- One Persons Journey

In this current climate mental health is a real concern with isolation and significant loss and hardship becoming daily occurrences. Yoga and the teachings of yoga can be very helpful in helping you move through these difficult times. There are several tools in yoga some that we touch on here in this interview, that you might want to look into a little more if you're struggling.

One in seven Australians are going to struggle with depression at some stage in their life, and one in four Australians are going to struggle with some form of anxiety disorder in their lifetime as well.

There's a lot of research that's been done that actually supports the application of yoga and yoga tools for people struggling with both depression and anxiety. So I wanted to bring you a story from my community, my dear friend, Steph, she managed to actually use yoga to help her get through a time where she was really struggling. And so here's what she had to share with you. Having taught many one to ones over the years for students struggling with anxiety, depression and other mental health issues. I appreciate that a multi-faceted approach is most useful.

Speak to your health practitioners about the different tools you have to help support you during these challenging times.

Stephanie: That point where I came to yoga was a turning point for me because it was the first time I really started doing something for myself and was thinking, I need, I need to make a change. I don't know what I want, but I just want one step in some kind of direction.

Krystle: One in seven Australians are going to struggle with depression at some stage in their life. And one in four Australians are going to struggle with some form of anxiety disorder in their lifetime as well. There's a lot of research that's been done that actually supports the application of yoga and yoga tools for people struggling with both depression and anxiety. So I wanted to bring you a story from my community, my dear friend, Steph, she managed to actually use yoga and yoga tours to help her through a time where she was really struggling. And so here's where she had to share with you.

Krystle: So can you share some of the things you were struggling with when you did first come in? Like what was going on for you? Where were you, where were you at that?

Stephanie: Uh, in a pretty dark place? Um, having moved away from my family home started Uni. Uni wasn't where I thought it was going to be. I wasn't building the relationships I thought I would have at that time in my life.

And I was just really quite lonely and lost and didn't know sort of where to place myself. I'd moved away from sort of my family's religious upbringing. And I just, all of, sort of the things that had connected my identity for so long, just felt a little bit just scattered and a bit lost.

And, um, I was seeing a psychologist at a time. And that point where I came to yoga was a turning point for me because it was the first time I really started doing something for myself and was thinking, I need, I need to make a change.

I don't know what I want, but I just want one step in some kind of direction. Um, and it was a.. it was a small one, but had huge impact for sure. Yeah.

Krystle: What was your idea of what yoga was when you first came to the studio? Like what did, what were you, what did you think yoga was going to be?

Stephanie: Um, my only experience of it was in a really huge group class where the teacher was, he was doing it up the front with us and it was almost, he was off to the whole class.

It's like, look what I can do. And you guys can give it a go if you want, but if you don't get it, don't worry about it. Yeah.

Um, and I, I think it was more, my perspective of it was it's better than going to a gym because you don't run it around with the block lifting weights. Um, and it's a bit easier, a bit less challenging, but still good for your physical body.

It was all, it was all, all of the physical stuff that I was focused on, that I, that I heard about it and stretching is good for you and all of that kind of stuff.

Um, and I think also I have always been quite a flexible person, so I thought it was kind of psychologically for me, like something I could easily kind of achieve. Um, it was something that I thought, yeah, I'd be good at this.

Krystle: You are very bendy. So…

Stephanie:  Bit too stretchy, I think because it's going to be joint.

Krystle: And so what was that first year like for you, um, at the studio?

Stephanie: Yeah, it was so at first, um, I did the beginners courses, um, and that was really great. That was really helpful taking me back to basics, doing all the fundamentals, and very encouraging, like from start to finish each class was kind of, it really felt like it was for us that little small group of students each week we come and we learn something new.

And for me progressing… progress is really important. I I'm very goal oriented. If I can say I'm working towards something, uh, more likely to commit. Um, so that was really, that was a good intro. A good start.

I was probably only doing one or two classes a week though. Um, but then, you know, my ego was being fed by and now I'm up to level one and then, Oh my goodness, I'm doing a level two class.

And you know, someone here I had never really been, um, super physical in terms of like, I was never really good at school at all or that kind of thing to see myself progressing and getting better at something. And that was really great! 

But then it was once I started doing my daily practice, that was when it was just, it just took off. I just, I saw differences in, in, um, a lot of different areas in my life. Not just, it wasn't just about the, you know, very in the class of like now I'm a level one or two.

It was, Oh, I'm sleeping really well. And my posture is looking better and people started commenting saying, you're looking really good. You look really healthy. What's, what's changed for you. Like things just started happening in my life that were outside of, um, what was happening in the studio. Yeah.

Krystle: And so then after that… you shortly after that decided to take on the mentorship, um, and we started spending more time together in a one to one setting. So what was that like for you?

Stephanie: That was really, um, the first word that came to mind was unexpected. Um, because I think, again, I've gone into it thinking, you know, I'm just going to study a bit more and I'm going to learn a bit more with you and, um, which I definitely did, but what the benefit for me was that regular connection with someone who knows exactly what it's like to be at that beginning stage and trying to work it all out and feeling a bit lost, but using all of the good stuff in yoga to keep you going forward.

Um, and it was just this regular “just checking”. It was, but not in a, um, it was never like, okay, this week, I need you to do this, this and this. It was okay, where are you at? What's happening for you?

And how can we use these yoga tools to move forward, learn more progress your understanding of the Asana, the philosophy, the… just the health and well-being side of it as well.

Um, and understanding that everything is linked and those tools are helpful for you in every part of your life. So we, I mean, we talked about everything. We talked about my work, we talked about my friendships, my relationship with my parents, um, and not in a way that a psychologist would either, it wasn't trying to analyze it and nitpick and try to fix my life.

It was how can you approach your life with the understanding that yoga gives you, um, and just, and use it? Um, it's so practical was really, really, um, just got me too much deeper understanding very quickly.

Krystle: We did a lot of work with the philosophy side of things.

Stephanie: Yeah, yeah. You know?

Krystle: Yeah. That was probably the, would it be fair to say it was a highlight for you?

Stephanie: Yeah, it always has been, I think. I think, um, I mean, I go in and out of my physical practice, I think, but what has really stuck with me over the years has been the understanding I've learned through the philosophy of just how everything is connected and, and everything that happens around you is connected to how you see it and how you respond to it and your emotional awareness - and that just resonated with me.

And yeah, I'll never, but it just, it completely opened up a way of thinking for me that I just, can't not say now, which is hard to explain, but yeah.

 Krystle: And when, when we were talking at the beginning and you said like, you feel like every year, it's almost like another layer, right?

It's like another, you know, whenever we have an immersion, whenever we have that intense time together, or whenever we delve deeper into the, the teachings or the learnings, it's like another, another one of those layers of the onion sort of come off and you get to experience a deeper part of you.

Stephanie: Absolutely. That was Oh yeah, exactly. And I think it's funny, the things that we talk about actually don't change a lot, um, the different tools and the different philosophy talks.

It's not like it's something new every time, but it's more, I'm using it to discover something new about myself. Um, and that's really, really powerful. I mean, like I was saying before with the physical practice, I'm very goal oriented and want to see progress, but you can see that progress in yourself as well.

Um, and seeing the things around me shifted change as you learn more about yourself and learn how you interact with the world and try, and, you know, it's almost like it starts to be an experiment.

You start to think, Oh, I've learned that about myself. Oh, let me see if I can try something new here or see if I can change that pattern a little bit. And that way of thinking, and then things not happening and shifting and changing. And it's just, it's such a great process.

Krystle: And so that, that process in its entirety has sort of, that's like that's a year, um, of just really focusing on asana first and then sort of easing into their, going into the deeper teaching. So that's maybe been what, three or four years for you?

Stephanie: Yeah. Yeah. So definitely from that journey.

Krystle: For the self-awareness sort of side of things in terms of going beyond just the physical. Yeah. Um.. So, what are, what are the, I guess, what are the tangible, you know, benefits, changes, shifts that you've seen? Um, not just physically, but in your mindset and in, you know, your everyday life and in your health?

Stephanie: Um, the first one that comes to mind was a really big moment for me. I think in realizing that your situation and your surroundings is always a reflection of your thoughts and your actions and the way that you about the world. And, um, I think I was a sort of person to feel -

Oh, why is this happening to me? And why am I so helpless? And why do I not have any friends? Or like the, that was a really that particular situation, when we started talking about where I was adding my friendships and my relationships coming out of university, and that, you know, early twenties period is really challenging for a lot of people, but I was so ready to just sort of blame everyone else and everyone else was the problem, but no one wants to be friends with me.

And, but then really taking a step back and looking at all – Okay… How have I thought about myself in new situations and what actions have I taken and what words do I use and really realizing that I was completely the cause of the fact that I didn't have a lot of connections and I didn't value myself.

And, um, I wasn't opening myself up to a lot of experiences and then feeling really, um, upset about the fact that I wasn't having a lot of experiences – it’s like a cycle.

Um, but then realizing - like that was painful to realize it's a really hard thing to have that reflected back at you. Like this problem that you're having is a result of what you're doing, but then it's also really, um, empowering because don't, I leave that a problem I've created, it's a problem I can fix it!

Um, and that was such a big shift for me, starting to realize that I can open myself up and I can love myself more and I can put myself out there. And at first there was some awkward times and I, you know, tried to make some friends, didn't always work, but the more I did it, the more I just started realizing that I only have the power to, to shift this myself.

And you know, there's always, there's always difficulties and things shift and change, but yeah, it's, um, it's really powerful to realize that you have control over what goes on in your life and you can make positive steps. Yeah.

Krystle: You've, you've been very consistent in terms of showing up, you know, like showing up to class at least three times a week, usually more, um, keeping those one to one sessions on a weekly basis, um, with me. So there was that contact that was quite consistent for a long period of time, more than a year. Yeah.

Um, what, what did that give you, what did that provide for you during that time when you were going through like figuring out in a way who you wanted to be and how you were going to conduct yourself in the world and, you know, shifting from some of your old patterns?

Stephanie: Um, it was just, it was nurturing. It was a safe space that I could come back to. Um, each week, each class of different, you know, in the classes, it was helpful because we often you would often be giving us a particular goal pose or structure of the class that would have its own, I guess, meaning on a deeper level.

That, that was really helpful to have that time to physically process what I was going through. Um, rather than just talking about it, I'm sort of plus new ones to, in which we talk, but having the space on the mat to just get out of my head and process it through my body was really helpful.

Um, and then each week having those conversations with you saying this is happening for me, feeling intense. So is this normal to be experiencing these emotions? Or what is this process? What is yoga say about this process that's happening for me? And there was never a point where I felt completely lost and, and like I was on some crazy path.

I mean, it, it feels a bit crazy sometimes, but it was, it was always kind of like, yeah, this is normal. We're just, we're just going through a process. You're learning about yourself, you're going deeper and that's going to be hard and, but keep going, and, and this is all completely normal and you're doing the right thing. Yeah. Just catch me going. Yeah.

Krystle: So now, You, now, where you stand in yourself and we stand in your relationships, and how you feel about yourself.

Stephanie: Good question. Um, I think this year in particular, I mean, it's old building on the past few years, but this is the first time that I've really felt like I have so much value to give to the world. Um, and I respect myself and, um, I have a really high self esteem and I want to make the most of that.

Um, so hard to describe a feeling I've just, um, that's self love and, um, feeling as though you have so much to give, but you also have the capacity to give it. Um, I think a long time before I started that yoga journey,

I felt like I wanted to help the world and be a good person, but I always felt a bit helpless. And like, I didn't know where I was going, but now I feel like I've got all of that basis of self work and understanding and really trying to get to that point of valuing myself.

And now I feel like I've got a foundation to kind of launch from and, and do something with that feels really powerful. That's great.

Krystle: It's been evident for everyone watching as well, you know, on the outside, hopefully your friends and family can see it too.

Stephanie: People say things to me all the time. Um, from that, I mean, I think I said this earlier from when I started really getting into a regular practice, people started commenting on how I looked and how I carry myself.

Um, and then as I got deeper and deeper people started commenting on how I changed as a person, um, for the better, um, and you know, and also reflected in, um, relationships changing as well. Um, some relationships moving on, um, some people that, um, I wasn't connecting with anymore because I really started to respect myself and, um, wasn't allowing myself to be, um, treated in not great ways by some people.

And then people that I'd wanted to connect with those relationships started forming and getting deeper. And, um, that was, that was really beautiful to experience. I'm still experiencing it, I think even to see. Yeah.

Krystle: And so if you were standing in front of Steph five years ago and she was in that place and that struggle with the darkness and depression and not knowing who she is and not knowing her place in the world, what would you say to her?

Stephanie: I'm gonna try and say without crying. I think just, just give it time, give it time, give it space. Um, that's what I needed. I, I was just in a rush to get somewhere and I didn't know how to get there or who to be when I did get there.

Um, and what yoga did and what you did for me was just take a step back and breathe and let it happen. Um, and that gave me the space to, to really go deeper. Um, and when so much, that's what I, that's what, the advice that I'd give,

Krystle: Stop putting the Adele on and locking yourself in your room.

Stephanie: Seriously. Seriously, just come on, get out there. It's going to be okay. Yeah.

Krystle: It's easier said than done. Yeah. When you're in it. Yeah. Um, and people say that, right. They say, it's going to be fine. You're going to be fine. It's going to be like, everyone says that it's going to be okay. And I think on some level, you know, that, you know, that it's going to be okay. Right.

Um, but when you're in that, that amount of pain and that amount of suffering, um, it's very challenging to distance yourself from the emotion to create that space between what you're feeling and who you really are.

Stephanie: I think also the, It's going to be okay. - We get told that so much, but without the, …and it's also okay right now - I think having those two together is powerful. It's the, It's going to be okay, implies that. You're not okay right now. And you need to fix that, and you will.

But what that time in my life taught me was this pain that you're feeling and this emotion that's happening and this difficult time, it's exactly what needs to be happening. And that's fine too. And just be with it.

Krystle: Yeah. It's that balance, it's that balance in yoga, you know, the, um, is having the discipline to show up, but minus the striving or something other than what is.

Stephanie: Yeah, exactly.

Krystle: Yeah. And that's very, again, it's very challenging sometimes and because, um, everything in our society isn't geared that way. So it's always more, more, more what I don't have, what I need to have, what I should have, or I need to be.

And so, you know, the practice is great for that just, and, and I think that that early on, it's really hard to have the discipline to just show up right. To when you feel the resistance.

And when you feel that want to just stay home, put Adele on and cry for a good half hour, um, to actually go through that and go, okay, I'm not going to do that. And I'm going to take that action. I'm going to show up, I'm going to up on my mat. And sometimes there were times you would show up on your mat and cry for half the class and that's okay too, but you showed up and, um, and you were there and, um, and you allowed that experience to express itself while on the mat.

And, and, you know, I think that, you know, that's sometimes the hardest point to get past. And I was, when I look back that was, there were moments where I was most worried that you wouldn't, yeah, push past that resistance. Cause I know how strong it can be.

Stephanie: Yeah. Yeah. And they were the moments when I would learn the most as well. Um, in a whole range of different areas, not just on the mat, but when you're feeling those points of, Oh, I can't do it, it's too hard. And then you do it anyway - that's just huge.

Krystle: I think that's where most of your strength is forged.

Stephanie: Certainly.

Krystle: Those moments where you feel like I couldn't, I can't, I can't, you know, and it's not just on the map, it's any moments in your life where you're like, it's too much for me. And um, and then somehow you take those small steps, small actions, learn, implement…

Stephanie: ...and then everything else feels more impossible as well. Um, I've surprised myself with what I've achieved in the last few years as well. And I think it is because of those moments where it all feels so difficult, but I show up and then that starts filtering into other parts of my life, as well as if, well, I do that. I could probably do this too. And things feel more like positive challenges than roadblocks.

Krystle: Thank you for showing up. That's I would really want to acknowledge that in you because there were times when I challenged you and you still showed up and there were times when I held you and that was fine too.

But there were times when I know it was hard and you still showed up. And, um, I think that's, you know, we know that the connection between yoga and student is so important, um, that's where, you know, the tools come in handy – they’re 50%, but the other 50% is that connection. Yeah.

And, um, so I want to thank you for actually connecting and allowing me to, um, facilitate in a small way.

Stephanie: Huge.

Krystle: And just seeing where you are now is honestly, like it's ridiculous. You were going to get…

Stephanie: Could you believe it?

Krystle: You were going to get there, but, you know it’s um…

Stephanie: You accelerated it. I think that, it was, it was intensifying. We, we did so much in that short space of time. And I think, I mean, you thanking me for showing up is so wonderful, but also you gave me the, I guess the proof of what happens when you do show up.

You weren't forcing me to you, weren't saying, I need you here. It was all of these things of, once you show up, this is what you can get to. And it was, you were just walking the walk in front of me. So thank you.

Krystle: So welcome. You're so welcome. And now you're going to do that in your own way for your people. Then you really are. I know you are so, so proud of you for, for actually now being that light for others and showing them and supporting them and doing it in the best kind of way. Cause, um, you know, the mat is great, but it's not, it's not where the real magic happens.

Stephanie: You helped me find it. Yeah.

Krystle: Yeah. You've got great ju-ju, that's for sure. Can't wait to see what you're going to do over the next 45.

Steph: Oh my goodness!

Krystle: I'll be cheering you on from the jungle. Thank you. Um, so I'm going to try and read the poem now that we're quite composed, um, this beautiful poem that Steph commissioned, um, and gave to me, and I think it so speaks beautifully to the power of yoga.

"I have to be frank, not always been limber. You know, you've seen how inflexible I can be, how I hold onto the tension, the stress, how I, at times haven't quite strained for what I need, because the resistance is more than I'm comfortable with."

“Lean in,” you told me, “the reward is just a few stretches ahead and don't be discouraged if it takes a little time. You'll get there, I know you will!” And I sighed, and I sobbed, and I rolled my itchy red eyes, but I listened, and I tried to push myself just a little past the point I thought I could. And wouldn't you know, it, you were right."

"Oh how we laughed then, how we still do! I'd never have believed that a year ago, but look, look at me now!"

"See how I've learned - to breathe in, to breathe out and to reach!"

Krystle: You’re amazing.

Stephanie: Thank you.

Krystle: You never stopped reaching.

Stephanie: Never. Thank you for coming with me.

Krystle: All the way.

Krystle: All the way. We've got, you know, we've got to live 120 at least, you know, that's my goal. Some probably thinks I'm crazy, but we're going to do it.

Stephanie: I feel like you’re doing a 150 sometimes.

Krystle: I don’t I'll make it to 150 years old, but I'm definitely aiming for 120. That's my goal. And um, I reckon that yoga is going to help us get there.

Stephanie: Yeah, for sure.

Krystle: You know, I reckon, um, and imagine how much good stuff we'll be able to get done!

Stephanie: Seriously. I mean, what I've done in the last five years, it feels like 10 - I can't. I've got another 60 something to go.

Krystle: You'll be levitating and walking through walls by then.

Stephanie: I’m excited!

Krystle: I'm proud of you.

Stephanie: Thank you.

[End of dialogue]